Forgiveness Doesn't Wait for an Apology — with Leann Murphy

Show notes

About This Episode Leann Murphy and her husband Mike have been married almost 38 years, but around year fifteen infidelity nearly ended their marriage, and most of the counsel they received pointed toward walking away. In this conversation with Aaron Smith, Leann explains why their marriage was a covenant with God rather than a contract with each other, and why that covenant is the reason they are still married. She describes the night she sat sobbing in a closet and heard Jesus ask, "Would you betray me with a kiss?", and how that moment settled her decision to forgive before she knew whether Mike would stay. Aaron and Leann walk through why forgiveness comes before repentance and reconciliation, what the parable of the unforgiving servant says about withholding it, and how her forgiveness helped Mike get past his shame. They close with the 21 letters Leann wrote her son before his wedding, which became Becoming a Husband and Becoming a Wife.

About Leann Murphy Karen Leann Murphy is the author of Becoming a Husband: 21 Days of Preparation for a Son of God and Becoming a Wife: 21 Days of Preparation for a Daughter of God, companion devotional journals published through Focus on the Family. The books grew out of the letters she wrote her sons before their weddings and include her own story of surviving infidelity and finding forgiveness. Married to Mike for almost 38 years, Leann is the mother of two married sons and grandmother to three grandsons. She and Mike live in central Louisiana on an oxbow of the Red River, property they believe God gave them in the same season Mike was healed of cancer. Connect with Leann and read more of her writing at karenleannmurphy.com.

In This Episode 00:00 — Intro — Aaron opens with the closet moment that reframed Leann's understanding of forgiveness. 00:44 — Meet Leann Murphy — Married to Mike almost 38 years, two married sons, three grandsons, and a home on the Red River. 02:13 — Cancer, a property, and a prayer — The house on the lake came in the same season Mike was diagnosed with cancer and then healed. 02:44 — Learning from long marriages — Aaron on why couples who have gone the distance are worth listening to. 04:13 — A covenant with God, not a contract — Why Leann says their commitment to God, not to each other, is the reason they are still married. 05:13 — The year they almost ended it — Around year fifteen, infidelity nearly ended the marriage and counselors pointed toward separating. 06:36 — Marriage as a picture of Christ and the church — Sacrifice, forgiveness, and sanctification belong in every marriage because that is what Jesus did for His bride. 07:52 — Happiness is not the goal — Every marriage has unhappy seasons; if happiness drives it, the marriage is doomed from the outset. 09:21 — Hope that exists outside of us — God's covenants were not contingent on His people, and healing and restoration reflect the gospel. 11:34 — "Would you betray me with a kiss?" — Sobbing in a closet, Leann heard Jesus tell her He had been exactly where she was. 13:13 — Aaron's own testimony — Gethsemane, the joy set before Him, and how Jesus knows what betrayal feels like. 14:12 — Forgiveness takes one, reconciliation takes two — Christ forgave before anyone repented; forgiveness is the start, reconciliation the goal. 15:24 — Forgiveness happens before — The syllable "for" in forgiveness: it is given, not earned, before you know the outcome. 17:10 — How forgiveness broke Mike's shame — Because Leann's decision was already made, Mike could get his feet back under him. 18:44 — Forgiveness is a command — We have all betrayed Jesus, and the parable of the unforgiving servant makes the stakes clear. 20:00 — Withholding forgiveness puts us above Christ — The debt owed to the servant was the king's too; the sin against us was already forgiven on the cross. 22:35 — 21 letters for a son about to marry — How a panic about her son's engagement turned into letters bound at Staples and then two books. 24:29 — Becoming a Husband and Becoming a Wife — Companion devotional journals designed to be read together, a gift for engaged couples and premarital counseling. 25:27 — Keep Jesus first — The first and last letter: marriage is a triangular relationship with Jesus at the center. 27:01 — Cut the apron strings — Realigning allegiance from parents to spouse, and being intentional with treasure and time. 28:36 — Fight for her, not with her — Mike's admission about conflict and why fighting is natural but must be done well. 29:53 — From parental authority to mentorship — Genesis 2:24 and the difference between cutting the authority structure and cutting the relationship. 36:16 — Earning your kids' trust, not assuming it — Aaron on raising children who want their parents' wisdom after they leave home. 38:46 — Passing down generational faith — Avoiding the potholes your parents hit and building on what they learned. 39:45 — Putting their story in the book — Focus on the Family asked for the story, so Leann and Mike told their sons first. 41:09 — Boundaries, David, and sex in marriage — Why no one is above temptation and what the books say about boundaries and God's design for sex. 43:19 — God uses our stories — Romans 8:28, the comfort we have been comforted with, and Psalm 18's warrior God who rescues. 46:22 — Where to find the books — Becoming a Husband and Becoming a Wife by Karen Leann Murphy, available at Focus on the Family and Amazon.

Scripture Referenced Genesis 2:24, Psalm 18, Matthew 18:21-35, Luke 22:48, Romans 8:28, 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, Ephesians 5:25-27, Hebrews 12:2, Proverbs 22:6, Titus 2:3-5

Resources from This Episode Becoming a Husband: 21 Days of Preparation for a Son of God by Karen Leann Murphy — Focus on the Family | Amazon | Amazon (short link) Becoming a Wife: 21 Days of Preparation for a Daughter of God by Karen Leann Murphy — Focus on the Family | Amazon | Amazon (short link) More from Leann at karenleannmurphy.com Marriage After God devotionals, prayer books, and more — shop.marriageaftergod.com Full show notes and blog post

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