Before You Disagree Say I Understand

Show notes

About This Episode Do you find yourself disagreeing with your spouse before you really understand what they are saying? In this episode, Aaron and Jennifer Smith explore the power of understanding in marriage and the delicate conversations that lead to understanding, reconciliation, or change. Drawing on James 1:19 and Proverbs, they explain that seeking to understand is not the same as agreeing, that many arguments are "nothing fights" masking deeper feelings, and why Gottman's research finds that about 70% of marital conflicts are perpetual because spouses are simply different people. They share practical ways to practice saying "I understand," including active listening, validating feelings, asking what outcome your spouse is hoping for, and praying together to dissolve tension and keep you humble.

About Aaron & Jennifer Smith Aaron and Jennifer Smith are the founders of Marriage After God and authors of Husband After God, Wife After God, and Marriage After God. Married since 2007 and raising six children in Bend, Oregon, they started Husband Revolution and Unveiled Wife to share what God was teaching them, not from a place of having it figured out, but as fellow travelers pointing couples back to Jesus.

In This Episode Understanding vs. agreement — why you can understand your spouse without agreeing with them Quick to listen, slow to speak — what James 1:19 teaches about responding in conflict "Nothing fights" — how small arguments often mask deeper feelings Perpetual conflict — Gottman's finding that about 70% of marital conflicts are unresolvable Active listening — validating feelings and speaking with love and respect Better questions — asking what outcome your spouse is hoping for Essential vs. non-essential — deciding which disagreements really matter Praying together — how prayer dissolves tension, gives a heavenly perspective, and keeps you humble

Scripture Referenced James 1:19 — quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger Proverbs — by understanding a house is established

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